Forgive me for being candid and not reverting to the comical as I am so used to doing in this blog. Tomorrow I start the process of vocational rehabilitation. It been told to me that it has helped many people find worthwhile jobs that suit there specific needs, My needs being a low stress, low gossip, low everything environment so that my hulk watch (heart rate monitor) doesn’t spike and send me into what could be one of many embarrassing situations. The first being the standard panic attack, which can be remedied with a little xanax, some deep breathing, and a little hope. The second being my conversion disorder which takes the words that come out of my mouth and jumbles them into a word salad that very few people can understand. The last and most embarrassing would be a full dissociative event where I think I am someone else for a period of time and wake up at home under the care of my close circle of friends and family. This is the one that I fear most, for one is a superior-minded handful with a british accent, one is a happy go lucky guy that would invite you for after meeting beers, and the third is the expression of all the rage I have built up into a maniacal wordsmith that I do not want the general populace to meet. DID is a crippling disorder and my hearts go out to the many people who have a worse form than I do. Like it or not tomorrow will come and I am hoping I can be a calm and collected me and not some form of madman that I can’t control. It is days when my symptoms are at there worst when I understand the plight of Doctor Jekyll. I am a buddhist by choice but an open minded one, gods help me tomorrow.